She Said "Yes" to the Dress!

We went wedding dress shopping last night. 

My girl is getting married next year and wedding preparations are starting to kick into high gear.  Of course, high on the list of have-tos is finding that perfect dress.  But, between working very long hours and being out of town on business trips, Ashley has had a hard time fitting it into her schedule.  We finally managed it last night.  Grandma joined us and so did her sister Rachel.  It was just "us girls."  The three generations out for a night of shopping.  What could be better than that?

It's quite a personal thing, wedding dress shopping, and finding that perfect dress can raise the anxiety level of even the most cool-headed bride.  Ashley figured this would be a trial run, just to get a lay of the land and see what is out there in wedding dress world.  She really didn't have a concrete idea of what she wanted so she thought she would take a peek and try on a few things before she made any commitments.  She did know what she didn't want - nothing too flouncy or frou frou.  She is tall, like her sister and I, hovering around the six foot mark and doesn't want to add a lot of lace and fluff.  She likes to keep things simple. 

So, here we are, waiting for Ashley to come out of the dressing room in that white gown, in breathless anticipation.

When Ashley was a little girl there was nothing she liked more than looking at herself in the mirror.  She especially liked store mirrors, where she could see herself from all sides.  As soon as we would enter a store, she would beeline for the dressing rooms and twirl around, singing at the top of her lungs. 

When we walked into the bridal store changing room last night,  the mirrors reflected into each other to infinity, plus they had risers, for that inner superstar!  Rachel said, "Ashley, this would have been your dream come true when you were five years old!"

Well, my girl is no longer five years old.  She is a beautiful young lady preparing for her wedding day and when she walked out of that dressing room door in a white dress, it was a little bit hard to take in.  I didn't cry, I wasn't even very emotional.  It was a bit surreal.  I'm not really believing this yet.  It's going to take me a while to really absorb the fact that she is moving into another phase of her life.  I am really more excited for her than I am sad for me. 

It has been easy welcoming Daniel into our hearts.  He is easy to like, with his infectious smile and his teasing, middle-child ways (fist-bump for the middle child.)  He clearly loves our daughter and loves the Lord.  Ashley's face lights up when he walks into the room.  She is head over heels in love.  What more could parents ask for?

So...back to the dress.  After trying on a few, not-so-flattering, four-sizes-too-big dresses (what were those sales ladies thinking?) and one very cute, almost-there dress Ashley opened the dressing room door and came out in "the One"!  As soon as she turned around and looked at herself in the mirror the biggest smile spread across her face.  She could not stop grinning.  This was IT.  There was no reason to keep looking, or to try on another dress.  We were done.

As Ashley put it so succinctly,  "I can picture myself walking down the aisle in this dress and feeling beautiful."  What more do you need than that?

Well, here's a glimpse from last night. 

This was the "dress that almost was."  It's just a teaser and all you're going to get for now.  You'll have to wait until next June to get the real thing.

In the meantime, this mama is happy, because nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids smile!

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

 "Age is not a particularly interesting subject.  Anyone can get old.  All you have to do is live long enough."
  ~Groucho Marx

My body is falling victim to some terrifying vandalism and the latest body part to fall prey is my hands.  I don't know when it happened, but one night "they" came, crept in while I was sleeping and took my beautiful, youthful long-fingered soft-skinned hands and left me with these (I have another one that matches).

I hadn't really paid a lot of attention to my hands until I downloaded some pictures and realized I had inadvertently snapped a picture of my hand - there was the evidence.  It was really quite shocking, like the first time I realized Mick Jagger was old enough to get the senior's discount at Denny's (not that Mick is heading there for a Grand Slam breakfast any time soon.)  I don't know who these hands belonged to before, but they look like my grandmother's hands, not mine.  While the rest of my body is getting a little more... well...rounded, these hands are almost skeletal, with veins popping out, scaly skin and spots appearing everywhere.

I'm alarmed.  I don't know who "they" are, the perpetrators of this horrible crime, running around willy-nilly wreaking havoc in the night, but I can't imagine what body part they're going to take next and who they are switching parts with.  All I know is some dear old lady is sitting in her chair admiring a pair of beautiful velvet-skinned hands at this very minute, wondering where on earth they came from.

Now, I live in California, land of sun, surf, and surgery - cosmetic surgery that is.  You may find this hard to believe, but one of the latest trends in cosmetic surgery is hand rejuvenation treatment.  Yes, it's true.  Just when we thought there wasn't a single inch of our bodies left that someone hadn't nipped, tucked, plumped or tweezed, the caring physicians in the field of cosmetic surgery took it upon themselves to show us how critical it is to our health and well-being to take care of yet one more flawed body part.

I became aware of this vital information recently while purchasing tacos.  Yes,  I do all my heavy reading while sitting on a bench waiting in line on Taco Tuesday.  Our illustrious Orange County magazines are jam-packed with ads for cosmetic surgeons ready to nip and tuck you within an inch of your life and apparently, the latest part of our bodies that should bring us mortal shame is our hands.  So, for a mere $300-$3,000 (I guess they need to see them first) they can "restore a youthful appearance" to my hands.

As I am sitting here writing about this, the dots are starting to connect.  Be patient with me, sometimes I'm a slow learner.  I suppose it's no coincidence that on Taco Tuesday I stared at a magazine with several ads for hand rejuvenation, shaking my head at the vanity of some women while admiring the gorgeous hands in the magazine.

Less than a week later the fateful picture was taken and I saw my own hands in a way I had never seen them before, as the hands of an old woman  - "my grandmother's hands."  

Now I'm starting to wonder, what is wrong with my grandmother's hands?  I love my grandmothers.  I named this blog after both of them.  They were powerful women of faith and integrity that raised their children to love God.  What I wouldn't do for the chance to sit beside either one of them for one more hour holding their precious hands.

A lot of hard work went into getting my hands to look this way.  These hands have changed diapers, washed dishes, pulled weeds, done the wave at baseball games, applauded at countless recitals and award ceremonies, been folded in prayer, been caressed, washed dishes, dried tears, grabbed the remote, brought comfort, built sandcastles, pet the dog, did I mention wash dishes (?) and been held by my husband twice while he placed rings on my finger - on my wedding day and on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

Every line tells a story, every wrinkle is a part of my history, every freckle has been earned.  I guess I figured out who the body snatchers are and they are not prying a dollar out of these beautiful hands!  They are mine and I'm keeping them.

"Grow old along with me!  The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
  Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; 
  Trust God:  See all, nor be afraid!'"
  ~Robert Browning

Confessions of Faith

I have a confession to make.  

I was hesitant about making this confession publicly but here it goes.

I feel good.

I know it's been a while since you've heard anyone reveal something quite as shocking so I will give you a moment to let that sink in.

Now that you've had time to absorb it, you're probably thinking, why would you hesitate to confess something like that?  It's good news, right?

It's been a long time since I've felt good.  It has been a long time, years actually, since I've felt good physically.  I've shared my story with you here about my long battle with chronic pain and the ups and downs that I have experienced.

So, why not jump up and down and shout it from the rooftops?

I'm hesitant for a couple of reasons.

1.  It's kind of hard to believe.  I'm sitting here taking a body inventory and there isn't a single area of my body screaming at me for attention.  Just a week and a half ago I was back at the doctor's office asking for a referral to a pain management doctor and now I'm wondering where that pain went.

I am on the other side of forty, sliding towards fifty, so there are a few body parts that are grumpy and groaning, but I think, at my age, that's to be expected.  Compared to what I've been dealing with for the past several years it feels positively exhilarating.

2.  I hate to admit this, but I'm afraid it won't last.  This is, I fear. at the crux of the matter.  My faith is weak.  

I have become accustomed to pain.  I am not used to living without it.  It's become familiar.  It's what I know.

The reason I'm going out on a limb and confessing this to you today is because I don't want to live with the familiar.  I don't want to live a life without faith.  I don't want to live a life with pain and I don't want to be afraid of feeling good.  

 There is a story in the Bible that speaks to me so vividly.  It is the story of the ten lepers.

  "Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee.  As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"   When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
  One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.  He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
  Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?  Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"  Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."
Luke 17:11-19

All ten men were healed.  Only one returned to give thanks, "praising God in a loud voice."  Did the other nine doubt their healing?  Had they become accustomed to the pain, to being social outcasts?  The Scriptures don't tell us.  But we do know there was one who returned.

Today, I am standing with the one who returned.  I am throwing myself at Jesus' feet and publicly thanking him for the healing that is taking place in my body.  I am thanking Him for another restful night's sleep and another day without pain or pain medication. 

I am excited about tomorrow and filled with wonder at all that God has done and all that he has in store for me and my family. 

He is birthing something new in me and continues to fill my heart with compassion for the broken, the poor, the lonely and the disenfranchised.  I may not know where is is leading, but I pray that I will, be found faithful.

  God is gracious—it is he who makes things right,
      our most compassionate God.
   God takes the side of the helpless;
      when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.

 I said to myself, "Relax and rest.
      God has showered you with blessings.
      Soul, you've been rescued from death;
      Eye, you've been rescued from tears;
      And you, Foot, were kept from stumbling."

 I'm striding in the presence of God,
      alive in the land of the living!
   I stayed faithful, though bedeviled,
      and despite a ton of bad luck,
   Despite giving up on the human race,
      saying, "They're all liars and cheats."

 What can I give back to God
      for the blessings he's poured out on me?
   I'll lift high the cup of salvation—a toast to God!
      I'll pray in the name of God;
   I'll complete what I promised God I'd do,
      and I'll do it together with his people.
   When they arrive at the gates of death,
      God welcomes those who love him.
   Oh, God, here I am, your servant,
      your faithful servant: set me free for your service!
   I'm ready to offer the thanksgiving sacrifice
      and pray in the name of God.
   I'll complete what I promised God I'd do,
      and I'll do it in company with his people,
   In the place of worship, in God's house,
      in Jerusalem, God's city.
   Hallelujah! 
Psalm 116 (MSG)