To-Do Lists

Last week I was real busy.  I finally got around to cleaning off the back patio.  It was piled with junk - boxes, old furniture, dried leaves, etc.  I discarded the junk, swept it clean and stacked what was remaining. 

Next, I tackled my garage.  Same thing in there - got rid of some trash, organized what was left (still a lot of stuff, I'm afraid) and swept the floor clean.

I went through the house and dealt with a lot of small DIY projects that I've been putting off for a while.  You know the ones - switchplate covers that never got back on,  wobbly screws in the bathroom hooks, even a couple buttons sewed on some clothes that were in a pile in the corner of my room.

I even tackled my son's room!  His bedroom got the once-over, more like the twice-over, that it's been needing for quite some time now.  Every Nerf bullet, LEGO piece, Star Wars figure and video game cable is in it's appropriate bin.

It was a productive week.  Of course, as in any household, the items on the to-do list seem to grow faster than I can check them off, but overall, I was pretty satisfied with what I accomplished.  Except for one small thing...

My busyness has been avoidance.  I've been keeping myself busy to avoid what I really felt I should be doing.

Have you ever done this before, or is it just me? 

Every day, when I wake up, I have this nagging feeling (conscience?) of what I really should be dealing with,  what I really ought to be doing.  The only way to really quiet my conscience is to get busy.  So... my house got cleaned in the process. 

I've been arguing with myself that my cleaning frenzy is way better than drowning that voice with a bottle of whiskey, a dozen donuts or just being plain old lazy - after all, look at what I accomplished.  I'm getting things done (picture a pat-on-the-back here)!

So, day after day, I have been pushing my 'should-do' list further and further back in my mind and replacing it with the trivial 'to-dos'.  Every time I accomplished something else, or I would hear someone say,  "The house looks great!" that little voice would get a bit quieter.

Until today.

Tonight is my ladies book club night and we're ready Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  So far the book has been good and I've enjoyed it, but today I read Chapter 4.  It's a powerful chapter entitled "Profile of the Lukewarm".  The whole chapter is challenging but one small sentence hit me like a brick.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins"
James 4:17

This is how it reads in the New International Version,

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."

 Ow!

I'm still reeling.  I'm sure there is a large lump forming right between my eyes where that brick hit.  This is how that verse reads in Karen's Abridged Version (KAV), "If Karen knows the good she should do and doesn't do it,  it is sin for Karen." 

This has nothing to do with you or anyone else.  I can't rank myself on a scale of goodness and feel proud of how good I am 'compared to' anyone else.  I know what I should be doing.  I'm not doing it.  It is sin for me.

I really wish I hadn't read Chapter 4 - of Crazy Love or of James.  They both annoyed me and hurt my feelings at first.  They made me uncomfortable and made me stop and think.  Arrrggh!  I'm too busy to be uncomfortable or to be thinking this hard!

I still have a dishwasher to unload and reload, clothes to wash, toilets to clean, weeds to pull...you get the picture.

But, I did read them both.  So,  now I have a choice.  I can continue to ignore "the good I ought to do" or get cracking and start living the life I am meant to live.

This is the weird part - there are days that "the good I ought to do" is cleaning toilets and doing laundry.  It is a vital part of my life and crucial to keeping this family running.  But there are days when those things are fillers, days that I need to let the dishes sit in the sink, or ignore the laundry and attend to those things that are more important. 

Today, I felt like this post was on my list of things I should be doing.  It is hard being vulnerable and revealing myself and my flaws on a regular basis but today I'm getting to the nitty-gritty.  Most of the things on my critical 'should-do' list are personal, between me and God. 

I know he loves me in spite of my sin, but I want to show him how much I love him by obeying him and listening to his voice, not ignoring it and filling my days with my own agenda.  So, this post is dedicated to the One I love.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
(Matt. 22:37-38)

Girls Night Out

I have been looking forward to Friday all week.  Last night was Girl's Night Out.  I haven't had one in a while and this week, in particular, I needed a break from the stresses of daily life and time away with friends.  It was so nice, reconnecting with old friends and getting to know new ones better.

This was a point of contention between Steve and I when we were first married, believe it or not.  I would want to go out with a friend for a coffee or a night out, no let me rephrase that, I needed to go out with friends.  Steve didn't get it.  Why did I need to go out with my friends when I had him?  Wasn't he enough?  Isn't that cute.

He just did not have that innate need to bond with other guys.  When I would get home, after a coffee or dinner out, he would pepper me with questions, "What did you talk about?", "Where  did you go?", "Did you talk about me?"  I would just smile, and say, "We have plenty of other things to talk about," as I gave him a kiss and a hug.

After some time, Steve discovered something that changed his outlook.  I would leave the house irritable, stressed and uptight and return home just a bit more relaxed and ready to face life's challenges.  There was something about that time with friends that energized and encouraged me.  Before long, he started saying, "Karen, why don't you call someone to go out for a coffee?  When was the last time you had a girl's night out?"  That Steve, he's no dummy.

It's not that I don't like spending time with guys.  I love my guys!  I spent last weekend hanging out with six of them at the cabin.  It was loud and chaotic and I enjoyed every minute of it.

But only us creatures with brains wired with estrogen can relate the same way to each other.  When we get together, we generally don't reach any great epiphanies or solve any monumental problems, we just know how to spend time sharing, laughing and hanging out.  And yes, it generally involves something delicious and indulgent if you're out for a meal with me!

So guys, if it's been a while since your lady had a coffee with a friend, encourage her to go and tell her you will be thrilled to watch the kids!  Girls,  if it's been way too long since you met a friend for a meal or a night out, do it soon.  You will be better off for it.  If you don't know who to call, I am always ready for a cup of coffee (and a Pazookie!)

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

It's My Birthday!

Well...technically, not today.  My birthday's on Sunday.  But...close enough.

It's funny, I don't get quite as excited as I used to get about birthdays.  Remember, when we were little?

This is me.

See the chubby cheeks and the dimples?

Why aren't chubby cheeks and dimples cute on me any more?  And why aren't birthdays as much fun as they used to be?

I remember when I would notice my "half birthday".  I would comment on the fact that I was 8 and a half years old or 11 and a half years old.  Yippee!!

I've arrived at this conclusion.  Getting old sucks.

I don't like gray hair.  I work very hard at eliminating every one.  Wrinkles are no fun.  I'm noticing more all the time.  Gravity is not my friend.

That's just the surface stuff.  The real kicker is what's going on inside - the aches and pains that have developed since I turned 40 leave me wondering how I'll make it to 70 - forget that, how I'll make it to 50!

I have to say, there are a few benefits to aging.  Self-control is something I have gained.  I have far more patience and deeper relationships with family, friends and the Lord.  These things are priceless. 

If only I could do a Benjamin Button and have that young body (not too young, maybe mid-twenty-ish) with this old mind, I would have it made!

Oh well, here we are.  My birthday is coming, whether I like it or not.  So, to those who care and will be buying me gifts (you know who you are.) 

• I love coffee and salted caramels.  
• I need something good to read.  
• I don't have a decent pair of jeans that fit.  
• I'm dying for a pedicure.  
• I would love a nice dinner out (preferably Thai) and 
• a movie would go great with dinner! 

But really, you don't need to get me anything.  I'm too old to celebrate birthdays.

Autumn Reverie

Oh, Fall!  I miss you.

I know, it actually is fall here in Orange County.  The weather is even trying to cooperate, with cooler, overcast days and some rainfall thrown in for good measure, but it's just a fake California version of what fall should really be.  It's missing all the bells and whistles - that certain 'something'.  I must admit, even though I love living in southern California, every year, right around this time, I get nostalgic and think back on those beautiful fall days we enjoyed when we lived in Canada.

I guess it's a bit harder this year because Steve got a chance to go back and visit and he was bragging on the phone about how beautiful it is - how perfect the weather is, how spectacular the leaves are, how crisp the air is - yaddah, yaddah, yaddah!  Sure Steve, rub it in.

That, and the fact that he's spending time with my his family, who I am dying to see.  I promise you, I'm happy for him, really....no, really!

Anyway, back to fall.  I think, next to summer it's my favorite season.  It may even be tied for first place.  If we could just have fall, then summer, then fall, then summer, that would be perfect!

Winter - forget it!  You can have the snow, the cold, the slush, the gray.  I've lived most of my life without white Christmases and I don't dream about them.  I know, there are some hardy souls who genuinely love winter, but most of you who live in colder climes will agree, after one snowfall (two at most), that white stuff loses its charm.

Spring - we get flowers year-round - lots of flowers.  They are beautiful and I love them, but I think you have to survive the muck and slush of winter to really appreciate spring.

Summer - we invented that in California.  I love it and we get plenty of it.

Fall - sigh!  This is what I think back on when I start reminiscing.

This is my firstborn with her dog Fred.  She is now an adult woman, engaged to be married, but when she was a little girl, we lived in Canada.  Back then we only had one child - she was it.

We lived in the city but Steve's parents had a beautiful home on a large piece of property out in the country (that first picture is the lane leading up to their house).  We loved going out there on weekends, especially in the fall.  I would cut big branches of fall leaves and bring them back to the city to decorate our downtown apartment.

First, there are the autumn smells - the acrid smokey scent of fires burning in fireplaces, the musky earthy smell as the leaves pile up on the ground, not to mention the cinnamon aroma of apple pie baking in the oven.  There's that feeling in the air, that snap of cold that makes you pull your jacket closer and reach into the back of your closet for your favorite pair of boots.

Then, there are the sounds - the satisfying crunch of leaves under your feet as you stroll through the fallen leaves,  the swish of the rake as you gather them into a pile, and the squeal of laughter as the kids leap into the mounded piles of leaves.

But, most of all, it is the sights - the glorious sight of those leaves on the trees- crimson, orange, scarlet and yellow - a truly magnificent display.  It is awe-inspiring and breath-taking and I miss it!

Our ladies group is doing a wonderful study on the names of God called "Knowing God By Name" by Mary A. Kassian.  This past week, one of the names of God that we discussed was Yahweh Borey - Lord Creator.  We talked about the fact that God created this incredible world for his pleasure and for ours.  So often we take for granted the beauty and the majesty of the world around us.  It's just there, the sky, the trees, the ocean, the mountains.

We were challenged to really take time to pause and look around, to develop that sense of awe and wonder.  That a God so powerful would take the time to create so much beauty for us to enjoy, is an incredible thought.  That is how much he loves us.  I don't know about you, but I am determined to appreciate his gifts more, and if you are blessed with those spectacular fall leaves, send pictures!

"I don't think the way you think.
   The way you work isn't the way I work.
         God's Decree.
For as the sky soars high above earth,
   so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
   and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
   and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
   producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
   not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
   they'll complete the assignment I gave them.
So you'll go out in joy,
   you'll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
   bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
   exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
   no more thornbushes, but stately pines—
Monuments to me, to God,
   living and lasting evidence of God." 
 ^{Isaiah 55:8-11 (MSG)}

She Said "Yes" to the Dress!

We went wedding dress shopping last night. 

My girl is getting married next year and wedding preparations are starting to kick into high gear.  Of course, high on the list of have-tos is finding that perfect dress.  But, between working very long hours and being out of town on business trips, Ashley has had a hard time fitting it into her schedule.  We finally managed it last night.  Grandma joined us and so did her sister Rachel.  It was just "us girls."  The three generations out for a night of shopping.  What could be better than that?

It's quite a personal thing, wedding dress shopping, and finding that perfect dress can raise the anxiety level of even the most cool-headed bride.  Ashley figured this would be a trial run, just to get a lay of the land and see what is out there in wedding dress world.  She really didn't have a concrete idea of what she wanted so she thought she would take a peek and try on a few things before she made any commitments.  She did know what she didn't want - nothing too flouncy or frou frou.  She is tall, like her sister and I, hovering around the six foot mark and doesn't want to add a lot of lace and fluff.  She likes to keep things simple. 

So, here we are, waiting for Ashley to come out of the dressing room in that white gown, in breathless anticipation.

When Ashley was a little girl there was nothing she liked more than looking at herself in the mirror.  She especially liked store mirrors, where she could see herself from all sides.  As soon as we would enter a store, she would beeline for the dressing rooms and twirl around, singing at the top of her lungs. 

When we walked into the bridal store changing room last night,  the mirrors reflected into each other to infinity, plus they had risers, for that inner superstar!  Rachel said, "Ashley, this would have been your dream come true when you were five years old!"

Well, my girl is no longer five years old.  She is a beautiful young lady preparing for her wedding day and when she walked out of that dressing room door in a white dress, it was a little bit hard to take in.  I didn't cry, I wasn't even very emotional.  It was a bit surreal.  I'm not really believing this yet.  It's going to take me a while to really absorb the fact that she is moving into another phase of her life.  I am really more excited for her than I am sad for me. 

It has been easy welcoming Daniel into our hearts.  He is easy to like, with his infectious smile and his teasing, middle-child ways (fist-bump for the middle child.)  He clearly loves our daughter and loves the Lord.  Ashley's face lights up when he walks into the room.  She is head over heels in love.  What more could parents ask for?

So...back to the dress.  After trying on a few, not-so-flattering, four-sizes-too-big dresses (what were those sales ladies thinking?) and one very cute, almost-there dress Ashley opened the dressing room door and came out in "the One"!  As soon as she turned around and looked at herself in the mirror the biggest smile spread across her face.  She could not stop grinning.  This was IT.  There was no reason to keep looking, or to try on another dress.  We were done.

As Ashley put it so succinctly,  "I can picture myself walking down the aisle in this dress and feeling beautiful."  What more do you need than that?

Well, here's a glimpse from last night. 

This was the "dress that almost was."  It's just a teaser and all you're going to get for now.  You'll have to wait until next June to get the real thing.

In the meantime, this mama is happy, because nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids smile!

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

 "Age is not a particularly interesting subject.  Anyone can get old.  All you have to do is live long enough."
  ~Groucho Marx

My body is falling victim to some terrifying vandalism and the latest body part to fall prey is my hands.  I don't know when it happened, but one night "they" came, crept in while I was sleeping and took my beautiful, youthful long-fingered soft-skinned hands and left me with these (I have another one that matches).

I hadn't really paid a lot of attention to my hands until I downloaded some pictures and realized I had inadvertently snapped a picture of my hand - there was the evidence.  It was really quite shocking, like the first time I realized Mick Jagger was old enough to get the senior's discount at Denny's (not that Mick is heading there for a Grand Slam breakfast any time soon.)  I don't know who these hands belonged to before, but they look like my grandmother's hands, not mine.  While the rest of my body is getting a little more... well...rounded, these hands are almost skeletal, with veins popping out, scaly skin and spots appearing everywhere.

I'm alarmed.  I don't know who "they" are, the perpetrators of this horrible crime, running around willy-nilly wreaking havoc in the night, but I can't imagine what body part they're going to take next and who they are switching parts with.  All I know is some dear old lady is sitting in her chair admiring a pair of beautiful velvet-skinned hands at this very minute, wondering where on earth they came from.

Now, I live in California, land of sun, surf, and surgery - cosmetic surgery that is.  You may find this hard to believe, but one of the latest trends in cosmetic surgery is hand rejuvenation treatment.  Yes, it's true.  Just when we thought there wasn't a single inch of our bodies left that someone hadn't nipped, tucked, plumped or tweezed, the caring physicians in the field of cosmetic surgery took it upon themselves to show us how critical it is to our health and well-being to take care of yet one more flawed body part.

I became aware of this vital information recently while purchasing tacos.  Yes,  I do all my heavy reading while sitting on a bench waiting in line on Taco Tuesday.  Our illustrious Orange County magazines are jam-packed with ads for cosmetic surgeons ready to nip and tuck you within an inch of your life and apparently, the latest part of our bodies that should bring us mortal shame is our hands.  So, for a mere $300-$3,000 (I guess they need to see them first) they can "restore a youthful appearance" to my hands.

As I am sitting here writing about this, the dots are starting to connect.  Be patient with me, sometimes I'm a slow learner.  I suppose it's no coincidence that on Taco Tuesday I stared at a magazine with several ads for hand rejuvenation, shaking my head at the vanity of some women while admiring the gorgeous hands in the magazine.

Less than a week later the fateful picture was taken and I saw my own hands in a way I had never seen them before, as the hands of an old woman  - "my grandmother's hands."  

Now I'm starting to wonder, what is wrong with my grandmother's hands?  I love my grandmothers.  I named this blog after both of them.  They were powerful women of faith and integrity that raised their children to love God.  What I wouldn't do for the chance to sit beside either one of them for one more hour holding their precious hands.

A lot of hard work went into getting my hands to look this way.  These hands have changed diapers, washed dishes, pulled weeds, done the wave at baseball games, applauded at countless recitals and award ceremonies, been folded in prayer, been caressed, washed dishes, dried tears, grabbed the remote, brought comfort, built sandcastles, pet the dog, did I mention wash dishes (?) and been held by my husband twice while he placed rings on my finger - on my wedding day and on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

Every line tells a story, every wrinkle is a part of my history, every freckle has been earned.  I guess I figured out who the body snatchers are and they are not prying a dollar out of these beautiful hands!  They are mine and I'm keeping them.

"Grow old along with me!  The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
  Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; 
  Trust God:  See all, nor be afraid!'"
  ~Robert Browning

Personal Heroes - Chapter 4

My hero today is an incredible young lady.  I know once you read her story you will fall in love with her as I have.  The first two things you notice about her are her height (tall, like me!) and her fabulous smile.  I met her when she was a teenager and have watched her grow and blossom into an incredible young woman with a deep compassion for the poor and the abandoned in the country of Romania.

These are the facts - in 2005

~ 4000 babies were abandoned at birth in maternity wards in Romania, Bulgaria and Ukraine
~ another 5000 babies were abandoned in pediatric wards
(Unicef Romanias 2005 report)
~ in 2009 those living in poverty increased from 369,000 to 1.59 million.  351,000 of these are children.

These numbers are staggering and I find it hard to wrap my mind around what this truly means and how it must impact a whole society.  Most of us hear figures like this, see a picture that tugs at our hearts and feel a moment or two of heartache but then we move on.

When Raegan Glugosh was faced with the impact of this poverty and abandonment, she could not move on.  In 1996, Raegan, an RN licensed in California, went on a short term missions trip to Romania.  God stirred her heart to minister to the needs of the forgotten children and become his hands and feet extended to these hurting souls.

In 1998 she moved to Romania permanently, leaving behind the affluence and comfort of Orange County and trading it for the challenges of daily life in a developing country.  Out of this obedience was birthed the ministry Touched  Romania, continuing today in a children's cancer hospital and facilities for abandoned babies throughout the city of Bucharest.

In 2006, the ministry expanded to include Hagar Home maternal center for the prevention of baby abandonment.  This aspect of the ministry empowers and disciples women in all areas of their life.  As a result, they have seen a decrease in abandonment by dealing with the source of the problem, working with mothers and families.

God has placed it on the hearts of Raegan and the staff at Touched Romania to become a voice for young mothers.  These single mothers have no government assistance in a society that requires little accountability from the biological fathers.  By working in the areas of advocacy and lobbying within the Romanian government, their plan, with God's help, is to effect a change in Romanian society.  Wow!  What an incredible goal.

This is the challenge that is facing Raegan and her team.  Touched Romania has an individual in mind to fill the position of lobbyist/activist.  They need funding to assist paying this extra salary.  If your heart has been stirred by the plight of these women and children, please consider giving toward this worthy cause.

   'I was hungry and you fed me,
   I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
   I was homeless and you gave me a room,
   I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
   I was sick and you stopped to visit,
   I was in prison and you came to me.'
  "Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.' 
Matthew 25:35-40 (MSG)