To-Do Lists

Last week I was real busy.  I finally got around to cleaning off the back patio.  It was piled with junk - boxes, old furniture, dried leaves, etc.  I discarded the junk, swept it clean and stacked what was remaining. 

Next, I tackled my garage.  Same thing in there - got rid of some trash, organized what was left (still a lot of stuff, I'm afraid) and swept the floor clean.

I went through the house and dealt with a lot of small DIY projects that I've been putting off for a while.  You know the ones - switchplate covers that never got back on,  wobbly screws in the bathroom hooks, even a couple buttons sewed on some clothes that were in a pile in the corner of my room.

I even tackled my son's room!  His bedroom got the once-over, more like the twice-over, that it's been needing for quite some time now.  Every Nerf bullet, LEGO piece, Star Wars figure and video game cable is in it's appropriate bin.

It was a productive week.  Of course, as in any household, the items on the to-do list seem to grow faster than I can check them off, but overall, I was pretty satisfied with what I accomplished.  Except for one small thing...

My busyness has been avoidance.  I've been keeping myself busy to avoid what I really felt I should be doing.

Have you ever done this before, or is it just me? 

Every day, when I wake up, I have this nagging feeling (conscience?) of what I really should be dealing with,  what I really ought to be doing.  The only way to really quiet my conscience is to get busy.  So... my house got cleaned in the process. 

I've been arguing with myself that my cleaning frenzy is way better than drowning that voice with a bottle of whiskey, a dozen donuts or just being plain old lazy - after all, look at what I accomplished.  I'm getting things done (picture a pat-on-the-back here)!

So, day after day, I have been pushing my 'should-do' list further and further back in my mind and replacing it with the trivial 'to-dos'.  Every time I accomplished something else, or I would hear someone say,  "The house looks great!" that little voice would get a bit quieter.

Until today.

Tonight is my ladies book club night and we're ready Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  So far the book has been good and I've enjoyed it, but today I read Chapter 4.  It's a powerful chapter entitled "Profile of the Lukewarm".  The whole chapter is challenging but one small sentence hit me like a brick.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins"
James 4:17

This is how it reads in the New International Version,

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."

 Ow!

I'm still reeling.  I'm sure there is a large lump forming right between my eyes where that brick hit.  This is how that verse reads in Karen's Abridged Version (KAV), "If Karen knows the good she should do and doesn't do it,  it is sin for Karen." 

This has nothing to do with you or anyone else.  I can't rank myself on a scale of goodness and feel proud of how good I am 'compared to' anyone else.  I know what I should be doing.  I'm not doing it.  It is sin for me.

I really wish I hadn't read Chapter 4 - of Crazy Love or of James.  They both annoyed me and hurt my feelings at first.  They made me uncomfortable and made me stop and think.  Arrrggh!  I'm too busy to be uncomfortable or to be thinking this hard!

I still have a dishwasher to unload and reload, clothes to wash, toilets to clean, weeds to pull...you get the picture.

But, I did read them both.  So,  now I have a choice.  I can continue to ignore "the good I ought to do" or get cracking and start living the life I am meant to live.

This is the weird part - there are days that "the good I ought to do" is cleaning toilets and doing laundry.  It is a vital part of my life and crucial to keeping this family running.  But there are days when those things are fillers, days that I need to let the dishes sit in the sink, or ignore the laundry and attend to those things that are more important. 

Today, I felt like this post was on my list of things I should be doing.  It is hard being vulnerable and revealing myself and my flaws on a regular basis but today I'm getting to the nitty-gritty.  Most of the things on my critical 'should-do' list are personal, between me and God. 

I know he loves me in spite of my sin, but I want to show him how much I love him by obeying him and listening to his voice, not ignoring it and filling my days with my own agenda.  So, this post is dedicated to the One I love.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
(Matt. 22:37-38)

What I Like Doing Best Is Nothing

"How do you do Nothing?" asked Pooh,  after he has wondered for a long time.
"Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're gong off to do it, What are you going to do, Christopher Robin, and you say, Oh, nothing, and then you go and do it."
"O, I see," said Pooh.
"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.
"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

I'm feeling nostalgic.

My two youngest are heading off to junior  high and high school next week.  The years of doing Nothing are behind us, even our summers are filled with doing Something, now.    It seems like yesterday that summers stretched out endlessly with lazy days spent doing...well, Nothing.

I'm not one to get caught up in sentimentality, but Winnie the Pooh was my son's favorite character from the time he was an infant and "The House At Pooh Corner" is, in my mind one of the sweetest pieces of literature ever written.  There is something about summer drawing to a close and school beginning that always reminds me of the tender words between Pooh and Christopher Robin at the end of this heartwarming book.

Christopher has spent his childhood deeply absorbed in the world of Pooh, Tigger, Piglet and his other friends in the Hundred Acre Wood.  Now the time has come for him to leave for school and enter the world of "Kings and Queens and something called Factors, and a place called Europe, and an island in the middle of the sea where no ships came, and how you make a Suction Pump (if you want to), and when Knights were Knighted, and what comes from Brazil."

Pooh Bear begins to feel left out, being a Bear of Very Little Brain, as he realizes that Christopher Robin will eventually leave him behind to enter this strange new world where he does not belong.

Every time I read this, my heart beats a little faster and I feel like shouting, "Don't go, Christopher Robin!  Stay.  Live in the Hundred Acre Wood forever."  But I know that he can't - and he shouldn't.    This is the tug and pull of growing up.

We have already been through this with our oldest child.  We survived and so did she, the growing pains of adolescence.  She is now an  adult and a beautiful young lady.  She is excited about the future looking to get married next year and start her own family.  If our children never left the Hundred Acre Wood, if they stayed with Tigger and Pooh forever, they would never grow to be mature, healthy adults.

Yet, there is something so sweet, so innocent about those days of childhood, that we long for our children to cling to them as long as they can, knowing that they will grow up soon enough.  Those early years of childhood have now passed for my precious three and oh, how I cherished every minute.  I glance back with a smile but look forward with great hope, knowing their future is bright as they place it in the Lord's hands.

The final paragraphs of Pooh and Christopher Robin's story expresses the tug of a child's heart but I think we hear more the heart of the parent/author A.A. Milne, as Christopher's childhood wanes and adolescence begins.

Then, suddenly again, Christopher Robin, who was still looking at the world, with his chin in his hands, called out "Pooh!"
"Yes?" said Pooh.
"When I'm-when--Pooh!"
"Yes, Christopher Robin?"
"I'm not going to do Nothing any  more."
"Never again?"
"Well, not so much.  They don't let you."
Pooh waited for him to go  on, but he was silent again.
"Yes, Christopher Robin?"said Pooh Helpfully.
"Pooh, when I'm-you know-when I'm not doing Nothing, will you come up here sometimes?"
"Just Me?"
"Yes, Pooh."
"Will you be here too?"
"Yes, Pooh, I will be really. I promise I will be, Pooh."
"That's good," said Pooh.
"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever.  Not even when I'm a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded.
"I promise," he said.
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh's paw.
"Pooh," said Christopher Robin earnestly, "if I-if I'm not quite--"he stopped and tried again-"Pooh, whatever happens, you will understand, won't you?"
"Understand what?"
"Oh, nothing."  He laughed and jumped to his feet.  "Come on!"
"Where?" said Pooh.
"Anywhere," said Christopher Robin.

So they went off together. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way,  in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.

You Can't Tell A Book By It's Cover!

I've been looking for a good book to read.  It's summer and there are few things more relaxing than sitting in a big, comfy chair, reclining at the beach or lying on a hammock with a good book.

I love to read, but most of the year  it's hard to squeeze in time for indulgent reading - that is, reading that serves no other purpose than entertainment and escape.

I make time to read the Scriptures - they nourish my spirit and I can't survive without them.  I also make a point of reading books and articles that will educate.  But reading, just to escape, sometimes gets lost at the bottom of my 'to do' list.

Summer seems to be the one time of year that I really find time to read for sheer pleasure.   Lately, I find it frustrating, perusing the shelves in the library or the bookstore and guessing whether or not a novel is worth picking up based on the cover and flyleaf.  I don't want to waste my money or time on a lousy book.

So, I'm asking your advice.  What have you been reading?  Tell me about your favorite books and why you like them.

I'll show you what's been on my nightstand lately.

Cultivating Delight - A Natural History of My Garden by Diane Ackerman (Harper Collins)
This is a beautifully written book.  Diane paints a colorful literary picture of her garden, throughout the four seasons, with well-thought personal insights and literary quotes.

 
"Nobody sees a flower really - it is  so small it takes time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time."  Georgia O'Keefe

Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay (St. Martins Griffin)
A compelling fictional story of the atrocities of World War II in the heart of Paris and ultimately, the triumph of truth and the human spirit.  You will not be able to put this book down!

The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs (Berkley Books)
I have just begun reading this book, but I'm already drawn into the world of Walker and Daughter, a New York yarn shop where women meet to knit, talk and share secrets.  I think by the time I'm finished I'll be hunting for a pair of knitting needles!

If you have never read the following classics, take the time to read them.  They are classic for a reason!

Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Not just for children - Lewis shares a fantastical, imaginative world where anything can happen!

 Not every book has a Mad Hatter and a hookah-smoking caterpillar.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
The simple heartwarming story of Amy, Jo, Meg and Beth and their beloved Marmee.  The March girls deal with love, loss and the bonds of family.  The movie version is well done and worth watching.

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Weighing in at over 1,000 pages, this is a novel to lose yourself in.  Scarlett is beguiling and infuriating.  Rhett is charming and complex.  This book is filled with an unforgettable cast of characters.  The movie is incredible but the book is much better and more well-developed.

Okay, I've shared with you some of my literary finds.  I would love to hear from you.  What are you reading?

By the way, if you are looking for a baby gift, or a beautiful book for your own children, check out the new book by my friend Marla, "Just Like You - Beautiful Babies Around the World".  It is so sweet and the illustrations are stunning!


Note:  Several of you have expressed frustration at the difficulty of leaving comments on posts.  I think it's a blogspot thing.  If you don't have a Google Reader account, leave your comment as Anonymous and just share your name or initials at the end of the post.  Leave your email address if you want a response.  Thanks!

Signs of Affection

 Young Love!  Ashley & Daniel

We had another nice weekend.  Our son's end-of-season Little League party on Saturday, church Sunday morning and a great visit with Ashley's friends last night.  Kind of a low-key weekend.  I could get used to this!  The weather was hot - not sexy hot, just hot! (This is a family joke.  Don't ask!)  The air is filled with the scents of everything in bloom - orange blossoms, jasmine, plumeria.  It is intoxicating and I would love to share it with you, but couldn't find a scratch and sniff app for my computer.

This morning, after everyone else had headed to work and school, Tina (our sweet overnight guest) and I got a chance to sit down and chat over, what else, a cup of coffee!  She is one of our daughter's 'bestest' friends and so easy to talk to.  We got to chatting about books (she's reading something by Eugene Peterson), families (a very interesting topic) and affection and how we all display affection differently.

Good Friends - Harrison & Sam

Some of us are action people - doing things for someone to show them that we care.  Some of us value time spent together, that one-on-one face time.  Others of us love gifts.  Big or small, these tokens mean a lot!  Then, of course, there are those who value physical affection.  This was the one I found hardest.  I used to be a bit of a prickly pear - I need my physical space.  Then I married a snuggler and, wouldn't you know it, gave birth to three more!  I learned to let down my guard from a world-class cuddler - my husband of 28 years.

When I'm sitting at my computer and my 14-year-old, 5' 11' daughter comes over and sits in my lap, I have learned to stop and snuggle.  When my oldest, an adult herself now, squeezes in close on the sofa, I have learned not to tell her to move over (much).  When my boy comes up and gives me a bone-breaking hug I zip my lip and hug back with equal gusto.  Even the pets get more scratches and hugs.

Puppy Love - Rachel & Casey

I know some of you may be thinking, "what is she complaining about?  I would kill for a bit of physical affection, just some human contact".  This is what I have realized.  Be patient with me, I'm a slow learner.  Even if we spend time, give gifts, do for others and affirm them, nothing can replace physical touch.  We must have it.  Babies won't thrive without it.  God made us as physical beings with an innate need for touch.

As we get older, we tend to become more guarded with our displays of affection.  And yes, this is a good and appropriate thing to learn!  But, we still need to remember to touch - a pat on the back, an arm around the shoulder, a hug, a kiss, a snuggle.  It can truly make someone's day, to feel that connection with another human being.  (If this is really uncomfortable for you, start with a high five or a fist bump.)

This week, reach out to someone with a little bit of that physical affection we all need, and if you see me, I'll take a hug!

 Lasting Love - Mom & Dad

 ^{1 John 4:17-18}"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us"

The Gift of Presence

I have a child that does not deal well with disappointment.  When something doesn't go as planned, it is hard to 'bounce back'.  Children deal with disappointment by fussing, complaining, pouting, yelling and often crying.  As a parent, I have learned to be careful what I promise to avoid disappointment.  I just can't deal with it!  Yesterday, this child was disappointed - and there was NO climbing out of the despair.  Nothing I could say or do was going to help.

Ten years ago, we were on a family vacation in Newfoundland, Canada.  One of the days was spent on a sightseeing trip to a bird sanctuary.  It was a spectacular day.  We walked across a beautiful meadow to the edge of magnificent ocean bluffs, where we saw thousands of puffins and other incredible sights.  Daddy and others took turns carrying our son on their shoulders on the way to the ocean view.

On the way back, he wanted to walk and while he took his time picking up rocks and pointing out all the goat poop, the others got ahead.  It was just the two of us left behind.  Well, we didn't get very far before he decided he wanted a piggy-back ride back, just like before.  There was no way I could manage it and told him he would have to walk on his own.  After arguing and fussing, he decided there was only one thing left to do to express his disappointment...

As every good mother would do... I got my camera and took a picture!

Yesterday, I was driving in the car (by myself, for a reprieve) I started thinking about how I handle disappointment.  No, I don't stomp my feet, cry and wail, or throw myself to the ground (much), but I do often get 'stuck', especially as it relates to my relationship with God.  I feel like I should get answers for my problems, immediate understanding or a break, for crying out loud!  Then it hit me, I am like a little child at times, whining "why me!" when things don't go my way.

Life is filled with disappointments - broken promises, shattered relationships, opportunities lost, betrayal, hurt feelings.  It is something we cannot avoid.  But how we respond to these disappointments is a sign of our maturity (or immaturity, as the case may be).

Don't get me wrong - I'm not there yet.  I'm on a learning curve.  But if I treat God or even others as though they 'owe me something', I am not living a life of faith.  In my book club this week, Kay Warren shared her heart in the book Dangerous Surrender, and her experience dealing with the brokenness of this world.  When she encountered a Bengali woman, grieving the disappointments of her life as she lay on her deathbed, she "offered the one thing I had in my power to offer - my presence, my very self.  I offered her the gift that everyone can give - the gift that costs more than our money or even our energy and time - our very presence."

That is what God desires us to do, give Him the gift of presence - time with Him, where he can heal the wounds of our disappointments, and not just for our own benefit, but so we can reach out to others suffering as we are.  "So I don't offer a new and improved 'me', I offer him". 

There's nothing better that we can give.

"So he became their Savior.  In all their troubles, he was troubled, too.  He didn't send someone else to help them.  He did it himself, in person."  Isaiah 63:8-9 MSG

Real Housewives of Orange County

I have been reading the book 'Dangerous Surrender' by Kay Warren with my Girls Book Club. It is not an easy read. The words and the book itself aren't that difficult, but Kay challenges us to look beyond ourselves and our needs to a sick and dying world. Not only to see what is going on around us but DO something about it. I have to admit, there are times I am ready to say 'forget it, I'm busy enough and don't need the challenge', but I am drawn in and keep reading through my discomfort.

In the 5th chapter she presents especially difficult world issues that she wants us to think about - HIV/AIDS, genocide, world hunger,sex slavery and more. Like I said, this book is not for the faint of heart.



So, what does this have to do with The Real Housewives of Orange County? Well, I AM one of those Real Housewives and so is Kay, both of us living here in affluent Orange County. The glossy image that is portrayed on television of pampered, self-indulgent women is certainly one that exists, but it is not, by far a 'true' picture.

Real Housewives struggle to make ends meet.

Real Housewives carpool to school, Little League and recitals.

Real Housewives spend more time at Target and Costco than at the mall.

Real Housewives work hard to juggle home, work, children and relationships.

Real Housewives garden, cook, laugh, play, cry, dance, mourn, and pray.

This Real Housewife has been challenged - to go beyond the everyday scope of my life and ask "what can I do to help a world in need?" It isn't easy but I'm starting to think more outside of my little bubble and allow God to show me what this Real Housewife can do!



'I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'

Matthew 25:35-36 The Message