To-Do Lists

Last week I was real busy.  I finally got around to cleaning off the back patio.  It was piled with junk - boxes, old furniture, dried leaves, etc.  I discarded the junk, swept it clean and stacked what was remaining. 

Next, I tackled my garage.  Same thing in there - got rid of some trash, organized what was left (still a lot of stuff, I'm afraid) and swept the floor clean.

I went through the house and dealt with a lot of small DIY projects that I've been putting off for a while.  You know the ones - switchplate covers that never got back on,  wobbly screws in the bathroom hooks, even a couple buttons sewed on some clothes that were in a pile in the corner of my room.

I even tackled my son's room!  His bedroom got the once-over, more like the twice-over, that it's been needing for quite some time now.  Every Nerf bullet, LEGO piece, Star Wars figure and video game cable is in it's appropriate bin.

It was a productive week.  Of course, as in any household, the items on the to-do list seem to grow faster than I can check them off, but overall, I was pretty satisfied with what I accomplished.  Except for one small thing...

My busyness has been avoidance.  I've been keeping myself busy to avoid what I really felt I should be doing.

Have you ever done this before, or is it just me? 

Every day, when I wake up, I have this nagging feeling (conscience?) of what I really should be dealing with,  what I really ought to be doing.  The only way to really quiet my conscience is to get busy.  So... my house got cleaned in the process. 

I've been arguing with myself that my cleaning frenzy is way better than drowning that voice with a bottle of whiskey, a dozen donuts or just being plain old lazy - after all, look at what I accomplished.  I'm getting things done (picture a pat-on-the-back here)!

So, day after day, I have been pushing my 'should-do' list further and further back in my mind and replacing it with the trivial 'to-dos'.  Every time I accomplished something else, or I would hear someone say,  "The house looks great!" that little voice would get a bit quieter.

Until today.

Tonight is my ladies book club night and we're ready Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  So far the book has been good and I've enjoyed it, but today I read Chapter 4.  It's a powerful chapter entitled "Profile of the Lukewarm".  The whole chapter is challenging but one small sentence hit me like a brick.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins"
James 4:17

This is how it reads in the New International Version,

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."

 Ow!

I'm still reeling.  I'm sure there is a large lump forming right between my eyes where that brick hit.  This is how that verse reads in Karen's Abridged Version (KAV), "If Karen knows the good she should do and doesn't do it,  it is sin for Karen." 

This has nothing to do with you or anyone else.  I can't rank myself on a scale of goodness and feel proud of how good I am 'compared to' anyone else.  I know what I should be doing.  I'm not doing it.  It is sin for me.

I really wish I hadn't read Chapter 4 - of Crazy Love or of James.  They both annoyed me and hurt my feelings at first.  They made me uncomfortable and made me stop and think.  Arrrggh!  I'm too busy to be uncomfortable or to be thinking this hard!

I still have a dishwasher to unload and reload, clothes to wash, toilets to clean, weeds to pull...you get the picture.

But, I did read them both.  So,  now I have a choice.  I can continue to ignore "the good I ought to do" or get cracking and start living the life I am meant to live.

This is the weird part - there are days that "the good I ought to do" is cleaning toilets and doing laundry.  It is a vital part of my life and crucial to keeping this family running.  But there are days when those things are fillers, days that I need to let the dishes sit in the sink, or ignore the laundry and attend to those things that are more important. 

Today, I felt like this post was on my list of things I should be doing.  It is hard being vulnerable and revealing myself and my flaws on a regular basis but today I'm getting to the nitty-gritty.  Most of the things on my critical 'should-do' list are personal, between me and God. 

I know he loves me in spite of my sin, but I want to show him how much I love him by obeying him and listening to his voice, not ignoring it and filling my days with my own agenda.  So, this post is dedicated to the One I love.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
(Matt. 22:37-38)

Girls Night Out

I have been looking forward to Friday all week.  Last night was Girl's Night Out.  I haven't had one in a while and this week, in particular, I needed a break from the stresses of daily life and time away with friends.  It was so nice, reconnecting with old friends and getting to know new ones better.

This was a point of contention between Steve and I when we were first married, believe it or not.  I would want to go out with a friend for a coffee or a night out, no let me rephrase that, I needed to go out with friends.  Steve didn't get it.  Why did I need to go out with my friends when I had him?  Wasn't he enough?  Isn't that cute.

He just did not have that innate need to bond with other guys.  When I would get home, after a coffee or dinner out, he would pepper me with questions, "What did you talk about?", "Where  did you go?", "Did you talk about me?"  I would just smile, and say, "We have plenty of other things to talk about," as I gave him a kiss and a hug.

After some time, Steve discovered something that changed his outlook.  I would leave the house irritable, stressed and uptight and return home just a bit more relaxed and ready to face life's challenges.  There was something about that time with friends that energized and encouraged me.  Before long, he started saying, "Karen, why don't you call someone to go out for a coffee?  When was the last time you had a girl's night out?"  That Steve, he's no dummy.

It's not that I don't like spending time with guys.  I love my guys!  I spent last weekend hanging out with six of them at the cabin.  It was loud and chaotic and I enjoyed every minute of it.

But only us creatures with brains wired with estrogen can relate the same way to each other.  When we get together, we generally don't reach any great epiphanies or solve any monumental problems, we just know how to spend time sharing, laughing and hanging out.  And yes, it generally involves something delicious and indulgent if you're out for a meal with me!

So guys, if it's been a while since your lady had a coffee with a friend, encourage her to go and tell her you will be thrilled to watch the kids!  Girls,  if it's been way too long since you met a friend for a meal or a night out, do it soon.  You will be better off for it.  If you don't know who to call, I am always ready for a cup of coffee (and a Pazookie!)

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

I'm Back!

Wow!  It has been a long time - 23 days since my last entry.  2010 is behind us and we are firmly entrenched in 2011.

I have sat down a few times, attempting to post, but I have to be honest, this has been a very difficult time for the Rutledge household.  We have been dealing with injury and pain in our home and I have just not had it in me to be chatty and self-revealing.

I shared with you, some time ago, about my personal journey with pain and I am still dealing with that on a much lesser level.  Right now it is my daughter Rachel and especially my sweet husband Steve who are the ones most affected.

Just before Christmas, Rachel was at a basketball practice when she sprained her ankle.  It was a very bad sprain and she is still recovering from that.  Fortunately, she is healing and can now put weight on her foot and walk without that enormous boot, but she has been sitting on the sidelines since the beginning of the basketball season.  We are praying for a complete recovery so she can get back out on the court and end the season strong!

Steve injured his back several years ago, while riding a mountain bike on vacation.  He has suffered back pain off and on since that time.  In the past several months however, the pain has become almost unbearable and he is in constant pain, virtually confined to bed.  It is impossible to express how helpless I feel at my inability to help him or relieve his suffering in any way.  Steve needs a miracle, a special touch from the hand of God.

I shared my own experience with chronic pain in my blog series "The Gift of Pain".  I must confess, I have considered, more than once, removing that series from this site.  It is one thing to endure pain yourself but entirely another thing to watch someone you love suffer daily with pain.

Our faith has been tested through this time.  I can't say that I have always come through with shining colors, but it is a daily process of growing in relationship - with Steve and with the Lord.  Please remember us in prayer that we will be strengthened and that Steve will be made completely whole.

I have to say, in the midst of all of the pain and difficulty that our family has been dealing with, we have seen God's grace extended to us time and time again through the very real friends that have given to us so graciously in every form.  We are overwhelmed and amazed at how generous and loving our family and friends are.  Thank you, from the depths of our hearts.

Although 2010 basically sucked,  I am looking forward to an amazing 2011 and expecting great things! 

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
      My only hope is in you. 
 Psalm 39:7

So, enough about us.  I have a favor to ask.  I have shared with you in the past about my nephew Caleb and his incredible guide dog Kane.  Well, Caleb's dad Randy is competing to win $1000 for the guide dog charity.  If you click on the link below you can vote for Randy's video and help him win money for this incredible organization, making it possible for another family to have a guide dog like theirs. 

http://www.minioakville.com/win%2Da%2Dcountryman/?test_drivers=randy-mitchell

Please take a minute to vote.  This contest ends Friday, January 21 and you can vote once a day.

Thanks for helping out.