Curdled Cream, Nick Nacks and Lemon Meringue Pie

This post was, by far, the most time-consuming post I have ever composed.  In fact, I am fairly certain that it is the most time-consuming post in the history of the blogosphere.  I meant to post yesterday but I couldn't get it completed in time.  Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.  The lighting was bad.  I didn't follow directions.  The cream for my coffee was curdled.  I could go on, but I will spare you all the ugly details.

I would feel marginally better if this post were about quantum physics or how to solve the HIV/AIDS pandemic but it is about pie.  That's it - pie.  It's really good pie, but it is just pie.  You can decide if it was worth all the effort.

This recipe is from one of my best friends ever.

I have known Lisa since we were both fifteen.  That is more than a few years ago, to put it mildly.

When I first met Lisa, she was like a human energy field.  She was the quintessential beautiful blond California girl.  Guys were drawn to her like moths to a flame.  Girls wanted to be around her because, well, we wanted to be like her.  She was cute and nice and fun and very funny.  Fun and funny were vital to me when I was fifteen.

Plus, Lisa was loud.

That was very important too because I needed somebody that could match my decibel level.  When we entered a room together, you knew we were there.  Lisa and I were generally in the company of our good friends Tam or Laurie or some combination thereof.  We were a force to be reckoned with.

Lisa and I were also really smart.  Let me tell you how smart we were.  Our youth group had a rent-a-kid auction where people in the church could rent some of the youth for the day, to do chores.  The money raised was going toward our upcoming trip.  Dennis, our youth pastor, was reading off the different chores available and mentioned the need for two people for "light housekeeping."  Lisa and I jumped up, eager to grab the easiest task on the list.  "See you later suckas!"  we yelled as we raced out the door. 

We came to a bungalow on a tidy street and met a sweet little lady who escorted us into her spotless home.  We grinned at each other, gloating over our good fortune.  We figured we would be in and out of there in no time and tanning by the pool while everyone else was slaving away painting or hauling trash.  She walked us into her living room and...there it was.  A wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling collection of every kind of figurine, ornament and tchotchke ever created.

Our task for the day was to remove them all, one by one, dust them, dust the shelf and return them to their exact location.  We slaved away for hours, carefully dusting and replacing every little nick nack.  Needless to say,  we were the last ones to arrive at the pool party and Lisa and I developed a terrible phobia of dusting.

A few years after we met, my cousin Steve came to live with us.  He met Lisa and...kapow!  Game over!  He fell head over heels for this California girl.  They've been married for quite some time now and have three gorgeous kids that (thankfully) take after Lisa.  They are good-looking, sweet, smart and funny, just like their mom - okay, just a bit like their dad too. 

Lisa is also a gracious hostess and a great cook.  Whenever we get together for family events we beg her to bring dessert - either her trifle or this amazing, sweet and tart lemon meringue pie, made with lemons from her own backyard.  I asked her to share the recipe and she kindly obliged.  If you aren't blessed with lemons growing in your backyard, you can buy them in your grocery store.  This is, I promise, the best lemon pie you have ever tasted, from one of the sweetest (and smartest) people I know!

"A sweet friendship refreshes the soul."
Proverbs 27:9 (MSG)


Lisa's Lemon Meringue Pie

Filling
8 tbsp corn starch
2 tbsp flour
1 3/4 c sugar
2 c boiling water
4 egg yolks beaten
2 lemon rinds grated
1 tbsp butter
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c unstrained lemon juice

1. Combine the flour, corn starch and sugar.

2. Whisk in the water and sugar.  I like the word whisk, say it again, "whisk".  I think it's an onomatopoeia. - whisk.  It sounds like what we're doing, we're whisking.  Okay, I'm distracted, move along.

3. Stir until smooth.  Is this an onomatopoeia too?  Smooth.  Another good word.  I'm hung up on the sound of words today.  Smooth.  Say it with me.  Smooooooth.

4. Cook until it thickens.
Okay, I ignored Lisa here.  She said "Don't bother with a double boiler, just do it directly on the stovetop."  But, I know better because I have baked this pie exactly 0 times and Lisa has baked this pie 974 times.  Listen to Lisa and don't use a double boiler.

5. Beat 4 egg yolks.

6. Temper the yolks with the hot mixture so the eggs don't cook.  Temper means put in a little itty bit so you don't get cooked eggs.  Just drizzle a little in.   Stir,  drizzle a little more, stir, drizzle, stir...you get the idea.  Until it's all mixed together.

7. Stir in the lemon rinds, butter, salt and lemon juice.

8. Keep stirring until smooth and thick.  There's that word again.  Smoooth.  That sounds like a 70's word - bow-chicka-bow-wow - smoooth!

"until smooth and thick."  I have no idea exactly how long that will take because, again, I ignored Lisa's advice and used a double boiler, so...it takes somewhere between 5 minutes and 5 hours.  I'm really not sure.   But the picture above shows the color and thickness before and the below picture shows the color and thickness after.

9. Pour into prepared crust.

You are welcome to get all Martha Stewart on me and bake your own crust.  I just bought the freezer crust, popped that baby in the oven and- voila!  Martha would freak!


Meringue

Let me just say here - I just L-O-V-E meringue.  Meringue is divine.  It looks like little angel clouds.

5 egg whites
5 tbsp sugar
1/4 tsp cream of tartar (may substitute 1/4 tsp lemon juice)
pinch of salt


1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.

2. Beat egg whites until stiff.  It is best if they are at room temperature.

Beat these little puppies until they have peaks.  Nice light peaks but not dry.

Don't skimp on this part.  You can use an electric mixer or, if you need to relieve some aggression, do it by hand and think about that guy that cut you off in traffic yesterday or the lady in line at Starbucks who couldn't make up her flipping mind and pretend you're beating the every-living daylights out of them.  It's way better than therapy.

3. Add sugar, cream of tartar and salt.  Mix but do not over-beat.  Now it should look nice and glossy.
Whoa!  Okay, back off now.  The beating part is over.  If you still feel like beating something or someone you may need therapy.  That's okay.  We all need it eventually.

4. Cover filled pie while warm but not hot.

5. Bake for 20 minutes at 300 degrees or until top is golden brown.  

Do not, I repeat, do not walk away and go into the office chitty-chatting on Facebook for an hour and a half, uploading pictures and working on your blog until you hear the smoke alarm in your kitchen screeching, only to return to your smoke-filled kitchen where you find a burnt meringue, which you scrape off and replace with another meringue, leaving the pie tasting a little bit charred but edible nonetheless.

That would be stupid.


6. Allow to cool before cutting.
 Dang!  That looks good.

Or, if you are reckless and impatient like me, cut it the minute you are done and let the chips fall where they may!


If you have ever wondered what that expression means, "Let the chips fall where they may", it means, if you cut into your pie before Lisa says you should, you will be eating lemon meringue soup instead of lemon meringue pie.

It was so good, we went back for seconds!


I learned a lot from this post.

1.  I am not becoming a food blogger at any point in the foreseeable future.

2.  I really hate being in the kitchen.

3.  I am impatient and don't follow directions well.

4.  I'm glad I have a husband that cooks.  I wish he liked to bake.

5.  I love homemade pie.

6.  I love people who bake me pie.

If you want a copy of this recipe, without all my inane chatter (it's really good if you follow the directions) click on the link at the right......

Guacamole for Dummies

What is better than a soft, ripe avocado?  Okay, I can think of a few things, but I'm not listing them here!  I love this delicious fruit (yes, fruit) sliced on a sandwich or topping a salad.  But the tastiest way to eat an avocado (in my not-so-humble opinion), is in guacamole.  I even like the way the word sounds, 'guac-a-mo-le'.  It just rolls off the tongue.

I had a predicament on Saturday.  I had three beautiful, soft, ripe, perfect California avocados that were screaming "GUACAMOLE!"  They wanted it, they needed it.  I wanted it, I needed it.  The problem was, I couldn't find a recipe that I trusted.  I had facebooked (is that a word?) my sister for her recipe.  She is renowned for her amazing guacamole, at least in our family.  I didn't hear back from her.  Was she avoiding me?  A dear friend saw my plight and came to my rescue.

Little did I know, Cristina has a food blog.  This is where the problems began.  I was really hungry when I entered her site.  Everything looked so delicious.  I got the guacamole recipe but then I saw the salsa rojo recipe.  Well, if we're going to have homemade guacamole, we need to have homemade salsa, right?

I knew you would agree.  I was all set and ready to leave her site when I caught a glimpse of the Bisteck Picado - be still my heart!

By this time, I was ravenous and I...must...have that spicy meat to go with my salsa and my guacamole.  So, with the three recipes in hand, I approached the cook in the family.  I batted my eyes and showed him the pictures on Cristina's site.  He was hooked.  I don't know if it was me, or his growling stomach, but off he went to our local Mexican market for the chilies, flap steak and other ingredients.

I am not exaggerating when I say, this was one of the best meals I have eaten in a while.  The guacamole was delish.  Steve tweaked it a little, cause that's what he does.  The salsa was scrumptious and, thankfully, made a large quantity.  But, the star of the show was the Bisteck Picado.  It was off the hook!

Now that you are drooling and thinking of racing out the door to your nearest Mexican food establishment, I will share with you our version of Cristina's amazing guacamole.  For the salsa and bisteck recipes, you can visit her site, Vengan a Comer (Come and Eat!)

Guacamole Ingredients

2 California avocados (no bias, they're just the best!)
2 small tomatoes
2 green onions
1/4 bunch of cilantro
garlic powder
salt
1 lime
hot sauce

Here are the assembled ingredients so you can see the amounts.  I didn't picture the lime or hot sauce because Steve decided to add them at the end (he just can't resist that hot sauce).  If your avocados are not ripe, put them in a dark place for two days.  This is called delayed gratification.  Once they're ripe keep them in the fridge to halt further ripening.

To remove the pit easily.  slice length-wise around the avocado, all the way to the pit. 

Smack that knife into the pit and pull it out - voila!

Get a spoon and scoop out the buttery avocado.

Mash it well.  It should be creamy, not too chunky.  This way it will stick to a tortilla chip - Yum!  Add the garlic powder and a pinch of salt.

Dice the tomatoes (we used Roma tomatoes - firm and not too seedy).

Finely dice the green onions.  These are not finely diced, but Steve likes them chunkier and Steve's the cook, so I don't complain.

Cut the stems off the cilantro and finely chop.  I love cilantro but it's not everybody's cup of tea, so if you don't care for it, leave it out (so sad).

Just look at this for a while.  Such colorful, fresh ingredients.  This is good food.
Okay, now that you're through looking, stir well.

Get a tortilla chip, or a spoon and taste.  Steve thought it needed a squeeze of lime and Louisiana hot sauce so he made his final adjustments and... oh, mama!  This was good.

Here's the cutest chef in Orange County.  Tasting the fruits of his labor.

Que aproveche!  (Bon appetit!)


*Don't forget to enter to win a gift certificate for merchandise from my etsy store.  The contest ends
tonight at midnight.  Click on the link at the top of the page for contest details.

Cinnamon Sugar Almonds

Warning!  Read the following out loud before attempting this recipe.

1. I am aware that these are highly addictive.  I know my own limitations and I do NOT hold Jenny and Pearl and affiliates responsible for late-night cravings that will ensue.
2. I realize it is not advisable to make a small batch.
3. I agree that it is cruel and unkind if I do not share these with others.

If you are agree with the aforementioned statements, you may proceed.

This is a step-by-step recipe for cinnamon sugar almonds.  This version is from allrecipes.com.  You can link to their highlighted site here for a printable copy.

If you want the best and freshest almonds at a great price, you can order them from our friends at Alldrin Brothers Almonds.  They are the only almonds I use!

Assemble these ingredients.  This is for a single batch, but I am making a double batch in the pictures, because I know I can't share a single batch.

1 egg white
1 tsp vanilla (did I mention, I like Mexican vanilla?)
4 c whole almonds (not roasted or salted, silly - we're doing that now!)
1/2 c white sugar
1/2 c brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cinnamon



1.  Preheat oven to 250 degrees F (120 degrees C).  Lightly grease a 10 x 15 jellyroll pan (what the heck is a jellyroll pan?  Cookie sheets are fine.)
Note:  You can use that spray stuff, but I use butter because "butter is better".  Repeat that 3 times and proceed.

 Temperature is very important.  For best crunch it's 'low and slow'.

2.  Lightly beat the egg white; add vanilla, and beat until frothy but not stiff.

This is frothy, but not stiff.  Lots of bubbles, but no peaks.

3.  Add the nuts, and stir until well coated.

4.  Mix the sugars, salt and cinnamon, and sprinkle over the nuts.

 (If you are like me, you will add a smidge more cinnamon.  I like things extra cinnamony.)  Toss to coat, and spread evenly on the prepared pan. (or pans, as the case may be).

Don't scrunch all the almonds together.  Spreading them out toasts them better.

This next part is the hardest part!  While they are baking in the oven for an eternal 75 minutes, you house will be filled with the sweet smell of cinnamon and sugar.  Don't take them out too early, or they will not develop the right crunchy coating.

5.  Bake for 1 hour 15 minutes in the preheated oven, stirring occasionally, until golden.  Allow to cool before storing in airtight containers.

Although they  need to cool before storing, they do not need to cool before eating.  These taste best warm.

I dare you to eat just one!

Banana Bundt Bread

I have been listing vintage recipe books in my ebay and etsy stores and it inspired me to share with you one of my family's favorite recipes that I just baked fresh today! I am NO great cook, my husband is the chef in our family, but I do like to bake now and then - not too often, or I would eat it all!

I think my sister and I begged this recipe off of Linde many years ago, but I'm not sure where it came from. Anyway, she is getting credit. I made one slight adjustment to the original recipe, substituting half of the oil for applesauce to make it lighter. It tastes great either way.




BANANA BUNDT BREAD

1 1/2 c. sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
2 c. flour
1/2 c. chopped nuts (optional)
3 ripe, mashed bananas
1 tsp. vanilla (I LOVE Mexican vanilla!)
2 eggs
1/2 c. canola or vegtable oil
1/2 c. applesauce

Grease and flour a bundt pan. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Combine the first five dry ingredients. Add the remaining ingredients. Mix until well blended. Cook in 325 degree oven for 1 hour or until toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool for 5-10 minutes before turning out onto a plate.




SO simple - and your family will love it! A few extra tips - the riper the bananas, the better. The flavor intensifies. You can store them in your freezer until you have three ripe ones, or you're ready to bake. Just thaw, peel and mash!

Also, I add walnuts and, as far as my dad is concerned, the more the better. I often add a full cup of chopped nuts instead of 1/2 cup. I also make this recipe without.

This bread freezes well and stays moist for days.

Enjoy!