A Legacy of Love

I've just begun making my way through to 1000 gifts.  Yesterday, I had my post all ready to go when I received some incredibly sad news.  I didn't know what to say, or how to respond, so I posted nothing.  I can't say I feel any better prepared today, except my mind has been filled with a single thought.  I will share that thought later, but first, the sad news.

Yesterday, my dear friends Amie and Emily, lost their beautiful mother Kaye, in a tragic car accident.  Their dad, Phil, was badly injured.

"Grandma Kaye", as she was known to so many, was one of those rare individuals.  Kaye was love in action.  She exemplified grace, mercy and compassion in a way that is hard, if not impossible, to find.  She was kind to a fault.  I take that back, there is no fault in kindness.

Her boundless energy and love for people was evident in everything she did, tirelessly giving to her family, her friends and anyone in need.

I cannot begin to imagine the pain her dear children and grandchildren are feeling at this time.  But I pray they find some measure of comfort in God's arms and in the love of family and friends.

This is the thought that has been occupying my mind. 

I feel challenged today to live the way Kaye lived

• proud of the roles of mom, wife and friend 
• giving selflessly whenever there is a need
• ready with a smile and a word of encouragement
• filled with boundless energy
• showering others with grace and love
• always ready to see the best in others
• loving Jesus, fully and completely

Grandma Kaye, thank you for your godly example and the legacy of love you have left behind.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV)

Mom's Brag Book

My daughter Ashley is getting married next June (have I mentioned that before?)  She and Daniel recently had engagement photos taken by Daniel's best man, Andrew Guerra.  

This is the post where I unashamedly and without reserve, show off pictures of my beautiful daughter and her handsome fiancee.  This, after all, is the reason we have blogs and go through all the fuss and bother of getting on the internet in the first place.  

I think Andrew did an amazing job.  All of the pictures were beautiful and I had a hard time choosing - but these are a few of my favorites.  Enjoy!

If music be the food of love, play on.

William Shakespeare

It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; 

it is less difficult to know it has begun.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For, you see, each day I love you more,

Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

Rosemonde Gerard

Love is a great beautifier.
Louisa May Alcott

Brief is life but love is long.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Life is a flower of which love is the honey.
Victor Hugo

 

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,

       your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalm 36:5 (NIV)

Laughter. Prayer. Coffee. Grace.

Steve and I just celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary.  Well, celebrated is a misnomer.  We wished each other a "happy anniversary", split a burger with the kids and talked about celebrating when he gets back from his trip to Dallas, but you get the point.  We have been married for 29 years so just getting here is quite a feat.

In honor of this momentous event, I thought I would write a post about what it takes to make a marriage work.  I figure that after all this time I qualify as a marriage expert.  In fact, after I write this post I'm going to write a book.  I can see it now.  My book will get published.  Gayle will read it and pass it along to Oprah.  She will have me on her show (I better get cracking.  This is her last season!)  I will become world famous and travel internationally sharing my hard-earned wisdom with the masses.

But, alas, Steve will become bitterly jealous of my new-found fame and my children will resent my constant absences.  My life will become a hollow shell and the paparazzi will hound me as I look to reinvent myself and fill the emptiness inside with a constant stream of plastic surgeries until even my children no longer recognize me.

Wow...that was scary!  I think I'll just stick to writing my blog for the sake of my family and my sanity.  I clearly can't handle fame.

If you were to pick two people who would be "Most Likely To Succeed" in the marriage department twenty-nine years ago, you would not have picked Steve and I.  To say we were headstrong, selfish, self-absorbed, immature and unprepared would be an understatement.  Steve's sister, Nadine, once commented on how much we fought when we were first married.  Everything, from the toothpaste to the finances was fodder for an all out war.

I was 19 and he was 22.  We were in love.  We were at war.

So, why are we still together, all these years later, in love without the war?

I have spent some time thinking about it and these are my essentials, the things our marriage can't survive without.

LAUGHTER.  I love to laugh.  Not just a light little chuckle, but a deep, snorting makes-my-belly-hurt, brings-tears-to-my-eyes, I-think-I'm-gonna-pee-my-pants kind of laugh.  Steve has told me that there's nothing he likes better than my smile.  There have been many years when the smiles and the laughter have been scarce but it is essential.  I'm sure you've heard it before but it is true - laughter has some serious health benefits.

It's good for our kids to see us laughing together and enjoying each other's company.  We need to be careful, however that the laughter doesn't become teasing at someone else's expense.  I have a hard time with this one.  Sometimes mama "likes to be's bad."

PRAYER.  This is the cornerstone of our marriage, our family and our life.  When there are no answers.  When words fail.  When the pain is too deep.  Pray.

I have prayed as though my life depends upon it because I know it does.  There have also been times when I could not utter a prayer and the words wouldn't come.  That was when I counted on others to pray for me.  We are not alone in the body of Christ, so when you feel you can't pray, call someone who can (you can always call me!)

"The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing."
1 Cor. 12:25:26

COFFEE.  You knew it would be in here, didn't you?  When our oldest daughter Ashley was a little girl, she was asked what her parents fought about the most (now, that's a loaded question!)  Her answer?  Coffee!  For years, Steve would make the coffee so strong only the Turkish would care to drink it - no offense to the Turkish, but I'm not too fond of the way they make their coffee!  I begged him to pleeeeeez consider the fact that there was more than one coffee-drinker in the house and could he please compromise and make the coffee a wee bit easier to digest.

Well, either I've gotten used to stronger coffee or he's making it weaker now, but we seem to have come to a very nice agreement in the coffee-making department because we haven't had that argument for quite a few years.

What is really essential to me about coffee is how it represents slowing down and spending time together.  If we don't make the time for each other we can drift apart and before you know it we are like strangers living under the same roof.  It's hard.  Our lives are busy and it takes a concerted effort to set aside that time to be alone, but it is important.  I realized just recently that I make more effort to spend time with friends than I do to spend time with Steve.  That needs to change.

GRACE.  Where would I be without grace?  God's overwhelming, unending daily grace in my life is a miracle to me.  I have been raised on the words "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me," but I am only now really beginning to understand the full impact of those words.

More and more I realize that, as God's grace has been extended to me, I must freely extend his grace to others.  Sometimes it's easier to extend that grace beyond the four walls of my home but those nearest and dearest to me are the ones that I can daily shower with the grace of God's love.  This is the most precious gift I can give to my husband and the most precious one that he extends to me.

So, those are my four essentials - they are healthy for strengthening any relationship - laughter, prayer, coffee and grace with an extra measure of grace.

Oh yeah, there is one more thing - therapy - lots and lots of therapy.  If you need it, go for it!  We've all got issues!

LIFE Stinks

I don't like to lose.  Just ask my husband, or for that matter, just ask my son.  Okay, just take my word for it.

Yesterday we decided to play a mild-mannered friendly little board game - The Game of Life.  Remember that one?  Well, this is an updated electronic version, with Visa cards and everything.  You get your own personal credit card and every time your turn comes around, you place it in the electronic LIFEpod.  It automatically calculates your salary and LIFE points, based on spaces you land on and cards you pick.

Well, today, (and just about every other time we play) Sam ruled.  I was conservative, picked a decent career, got a degree, and sucked swamp water by the end of the game.  Seemed like every card I picked up was something about dancing.  Let's just say this...dancing and writing don't pay!

Sam picked a career in sports...yes, sports and ended up with a $2,000,000 annual salary and $9,196,000 cash.  He was laughing at, no...

...more like mocking his mother by the end.  Steve was somewhere in between.  What really killed Steve was his five babies. He was a baby-making machine!  Those babies cost him a lot of money and didn't give him enough LIFE  points to make up the difference.

I'm trying not to be a sore loser, but I've lived over 40 years (not saying how many years over,), have a lot of life experience and am relatively intelligent.  Sam, on the other hand, is twelve!  What is a twelve-year-old going to do with a three million dollar salary and a mansion?  It's just not fair.  LIFE stinks.

This was just a game, and I'm over it now getting over it now, but the fact of the matter is ...

sometimes real life stinks too.  This past week will not go down in the annals of history as "the best week ever" for me.  I was so overwhelmed that I didn't know what to write.  I was hurting, confused and struggling to make sense of it all.  I realize I'm not going to "Find a winning lottery ticket on the street +$100,000" or "Be chosen as the cover model for my favorite magazine +$500,000", but I would like to catch a break now and then.

Although the week had a lousy start, something happened on the weekend that changed my perspective.  No, it wasn't playing a game with my guys, or even the fun birthday party at the beach.  The thing that changed my perspective was this...God spoke to me.  Now, before you think, "she's really lost it - she's hearing voices!", hear me out.

I chose to worship with other believers on Sunday.  I really just wanted to stay at home, curl up with a book and a pot of coffee and hibernate.  It's hard to put on that fake plastic smile, shake hands and play the role of "good Christian", when I feel like I'm anything but "good" and I have no answers. 

Here is where that beautiful, mysterious thing called "faith" becomes real and tangible.  I cannot base my relationships (with family, friends, the church or God), upon how I am feeling or what it is that I want to do.  So, I chose community over isolation and found God there and heard His voice.

I heard it in the warm hellos from the friends that greeted me.  I heard it in the sweet words of encouragement from my dear friend Deborah.  I heard it in the beautiful worship music that spoke healing to my heart.  But most of all, I heard it in the message that my pastor gave...just for me.  I know there were a lot of other people in that room.  Some of them may have even had the mistaken notion that the message was for them.

When my pastor said the words, "He hears our heart cry, so go ahead and cry", he meant me.  When he read the words in Jeremiah 31:3, he was reading them for me.  "God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.  Expect love, love, and more love!"".  

Yes!  God loves me, cares about me and wants to spend time with me!  What an incredible, beautiful thought.  When I'm tired, cranky, mean, hurting, happy, loving...whatever state of mind I may be in.  I can choose to accept his love, or choose to reject it.  Today, I am choosing God's love for me,  and passing it along to you.  Accept it as the gift that it is and, in turn, share it with someone else!

A Love Letter

Today is my handsome hubby's birthday.  We have been together since I was 18 and he was 21, which basically means, we have grown up together.  There have certainly been a lot of growing pains in our years together.  We have laughed and loved, fought and cried.  But through it all, we have grown closer to each other and to the Lord.

Indulge me, while I send a little love letter to my sweetie.

Things I love about Steve

~ he is a man of  God

~ that smile!

~ he is a loyal friend

~ he has a great sense of humor

~ he loves his children and isn't afraid to tell them


~ he has THE best laugh

~ he's still a mama's boy


~ he can cook (this is a biggie!)

~ he gets better-looking every day

~ he adores me

~ he's mine.

Steve, I love you more today than ever.

Grow old with me.  The best is yet to be.

The Wedding - A Final Peek

Yes!  I have more pictures to share.

Following the ceremony, the bride and groom turned heads as they cruised through town in a cherry-red classic Thunderbird convertible.  I want this car! 

Natalie looked stunning in her sleeveless chiffon dress and Adrian was so handsome in his shades and gray suit with yellow socks to match Nat's flowers.

The mother-of-the-bride was also a bridesmaid.  My beautiful sister!

It was great to have friends and family gather from far and wide - Canada to Arizona and points between.

The reception was held in the backyard of the bride's parents.
They transformed their gorgeous yard with lanterns, candles and strings of lights.

 Kathy was determined to have candles floating in the pool, but the wind decided otherwise.

The coffee bar was a huge hit.  The father-of-the bride approves.

Julie and Cheng were kept busy all night, making delicious lattes.

The pastries and cake from The Blue Frog Bakery were killer!

For the kids, mountains of cupcakes were eaten

and a candy bar, with real movie theater popcorn was devoured.

Toasts were made and the father/daughter dance brought tears to my eyes (that always gets me).

The night ended with a screening of Princess Bride on the lawn, enjoying the beautiful California evening.

What a wonderful day!

"but the greatest of these is love" 
I Cor. 13:13

Love Is In The Air

I mentioned before that my beautiful niece Natalie is getting married soon.  Well, tomorrow is the big day!

Family has arrived from out of town, dresses have received the final nip and tuck, the church is being decorated and there is a sense of excitement in the air.

I love weddings and usually need to bring a tissue. I think this will definitely be a two tissue event for me.  I can't imagine how many I will need at my own child's wedding!  I remember the day our sweet Nat was born.  We have watched her grow up to be a lovely young lady. She picked a guy that fits her like a hand in a glove and in the short time we've know Adrian, we have grown to love him as well.

Since weddings are on my mind, I took a peek through my pictures and have a few to share.

These pictures of my parents are great- so young and happy.  They were driven around town on the chassis of an old car.  I love the red roses and dad's white socks!

Here are their going away outfits.  So stylish. Mom and dad married on September 13, 1958 and are still having fun and in love!

This was the first wedding I ever attended.  I was the flower girl and I only remember a few things.  I loved my gold satin dress.   I loved everyone looking at me and I got very tired at the reception.

Steve and I were married 29 (gasp!) years ago.  What a beautiful day.  Boy, we were young!  After all these years, I can't imagine being with anybody else, through thick and thin.

My brother married two years later. His beautiful bride Shelley looked amazing in her aunt's vintage wedding gown but it was a very hot day and she almost melted.  They  just celebrated their 27th wedding anniversary.  Congrats!

My sister wore our mother's gown on her own wedding day.  The gown had been sold (my parent's needed the money) and we tracked it down to return it to my mother on her 25th wedding anniversary.  In the end, that dress was worn by four different brides!

Tomorrow, my sister will be the mother-of-the-bride.  She and her husband Norb will welcome one more son into their family.  Can't wait for the festivities to begin!  I have my camera ready!

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; 

bind them around your neck, 

write them on the tablet of your heart.

^{Proverbs 3:3} 

 

Couldn't resist one more picture.  My sweet sister and me with all that hair.  We were rockin' the 80's!  (Where did I put those hot rollers?)

Baby Talk

I was never a baby person.  You know the type.  They can smell a baby from the other room.  They make a beeline to any new mom or stroller that they see, begging to hold the little bundle of joy and generally making a fuss.  You know who you are (Amie, Jodi and Donna!) and I know you can't help it.  There is that strong maternal instinct that just goes out of control whenever an infant is near.

I was never like that.  In fact, as a young person I didn't babysit or hardly look at babies.  I would make the required complimentary remarks about people's progeny but you wouldn't ask me to teach or help in the nursery!  I began to wonder if I had that maternal instinct at all.

A single event changed all that over 27 years ago.  I had a baby.  All of a sudden, my world was turned upside down.  I was not prepared in any way.  I hadn't even changed a diaper and had to have the nurse teach me before I left the hospital.  I was overwhelmed, at first.  The lack of sleep, lack of training and constant neediness of my little girl left me exhausted and wondering, "what have I gotten myself into?".  But gradually, she slept through the night, sat up, crawled, walked, and continued to grow into a little person and I realized something one day.  I was smitten.

I never imagined the ways motherhood would change my life - for the better.  I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything.  But there were times, when I was younger that I would ponder, "Is this it?  Is this the only contribution I will make with my life?  Feeding kids, doing laundry, juggling work and school and sports and..."  Now, I realize there is no better contribution I can make to the world than having the opportunity to pour myself into the lives that have been entrusted in my care.

As the years wore on, I prayed for God to remove the desire from heart for more children, but it remained and, if anything, grew stronger as my friends had more babies and I was surrounded by a boatload of nieces and nephews (who I adore).  Thirteen years passed before we were blessed with another baby girl.  Two years after that, our son was born.  What joy!

As a mother of three, I have applauded loudly at their accomplishments, fallen to my knees through their struggles and been amazed every step of the way, to seem them grow, rise to the challenges and blossom into their own unique persons.  Our oldest is now an adult and next year will marry and start a family of her own, but she will always be my baby girl, the one that broke me in!

As I continue daily, to pray for my children, for their safety, their future, their many needs, I am confident that whether or not I do everything 'right' (and let me tell you, I certainly don't), that their Heavenly Father is watching out for them and cares for them more than I could possibly imagine.  What a comfort.

So, I'm a convert.  I am now a baby person.  I marvel every time I see a sweet little cherub with all their incredible potential, and thank God for the three he sent to our family.




   God's love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him, 
   Making everything right for them and their children as they follow his Covenant ways and remember to do whatever he said.
Psalm 103:17,18 (MSG)

Signs of Affection

 Young Love!  Ashley & Daniel

We had another nice weekend.  Our son's end-of-season Little League party on Saturday, church Sunday morning and a great visit with Ashley's friends last night.  Kind of a low-key weekend.  I could get used to this!  The weather was hot - not sexy hot, just hot! (This is a family joke.  Don't ask!)  The air is filled with the scents of everything in bloom - orange blossoms, jasmine, plumeria.  It is intoxicating and I would love to share it with you, but couldn't find a scratch and sniff app for my computer.

This morning, after everyone else had headed to work and school, Tina (our sweet overnight guest) and I got a chance to sit down and chat over, what else, a cup of coffee!  She is one of our daughter's 'bestest' friends and so easy to talk to.  We got to chatting about books (she's reading something by Eugene Peterson), families (a very interesting topic) and affection and how we all display affection differently.

Good Friends - Harrison & Sam

Some of us are action people - doing things for someone to show them that we care.  Some of us value time spent together, that one-on-one face time.  Others of us love gifts.  Big or small, these tokens mean a lot!  Then, of course, there are those who value physical affection.  This was the one I found hardest.  I used to be a bit of a prickly pear - I need my physical space.  Then I married a snuggler and, wouldn't you know it, gave birth to three more!  I learned to let down my guard from a world-class cuddler - my husband of 28 years.

When I'm sitting at my computer and my 14-year-old, 5' 11' daughter comes over and sits in my lap, I have learned to stop and snuggle.  When my oldest, an adult herself now, squeezes in close on the sofa, I have learned not to tell her to move over (much).  When my boy comes up and gives me a bone-breaking hug I zip my lip and hug back with equal gusto.  Even the pets get more scratches and hugs.

Puppy Love - Rachel & Casey

I know some of you may be thinking, "what is she complaining about?  I would kill for a bit of physical affection, just some human contact".  This is what I have realized.  Be patient with me, I'm a slow learner.  Even if we spend time, give gifts, do for others and affirm them, nothing can replace physical touch.  We must have it.  Babies won't thrive without it.  God made us as physical beings with an innate need for touch.

As we get older, we tend to become more guarded with our displays of affection.  And yes, this is a good and appropriate thing to learn!  But, we still need to remember to touch - a pat on the back, an arm around the shoulder, a hug, a kiss, a snuggle.  It can truly make someone's day, to feel that connection with another human being.  (If this is really uncomfortable for you, start with a high five or a fist bump.)

This week, reach out to someone with a little bit of that physical affection we all need, and if you see me, I'll take a hug!

 Lasting Love - Mom & Dad

 ^{1 John 4:17-18}"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us"

Personal Heroes - Chapter 1

Who are your heroes?  Are they political figures, sports stars, television personalities?  While I admire many people in these arenas (and scratch my head over the popularity of others), my heroes are less well known.  They are the 'unsung heroes' around us.  Over the next several weeks, I want to introduce you to some people who are my personal heroes.  You will find out they are ordinary people, like you and me, but they are making a difference with their lives.

I would like to introduce you to Randy & Nadine.  I picked them today because they are my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and today is their 21st wedding anniversary.  This is my gift to them!

As they started their life together 21 years ago, they had no idea of the challenges that lay ahead for them and their family.  A year and a half after they were married, they gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Megan, followed shortly by their handsome boy Josh.  They dealt with the challenges of living on a ranch and raising children and several years later welcomed another beautiful boy, Caleb, into the family.  It became apparent early on, that something was different with this sweet little boy.  He didn't respond like they felt he should and his development was delayed.

After many years of struggling to find answers they received a diagnosis they did not want to hear.  Caleb has autism.   I have known many people who have children or loved ones with challenges.  But I have never met a family that has risen to the test of raising such a special child, like they have.  Whenever I am around them, I am touched by the patience and tenderness that they show.  I know there are times when they feel unequipped for the task, but it is beautiful to see a family united in caring for someone with so many special needs.

This extends beyond Randy and Nadine to their two other incredible children.  Josh is a big brother with a big heart.  He shared a room with Caleb for years and treats his little brother with tenderness and respect.  Megan is a lovely young lady whose love for horses is second only to the love she has for her family.  She is always proud to show off her little brother with the latest pictures she has taken (she took the beautiful black and white picture).

A couple years ago they welcomed one more member into the family.  His name is Kane and he is a service dog.  He has the sweetest disposition and is Caleb's constant companion.  He is my # 1 canine hero!

You can see why I picked this incredible family and why I am proud to be related to them.  They exemplify God's love in action.  They are my heroes.

"Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13